Weird metro moments...

Today there was absolute silence in the evening...and to break this silence an old goojar baba starts talk in on phone loudly and complaints to the customer care of network," manne tareh tareh me kol aawe hain. Band kara lo merrra phone...phone na howe hai atom bomb howe hai...kabhi bhi phat phat kare hai"
Till now he was already famous...ppl were looking at this white loongi and white kurta around 80-85 year old chap...just then he keeps the phone and shouts..."ohh chore score ke huaa hai" the scandalized boy checks and tells. After hearing the old man worriedly says,"280 kaise mana liye..jaroor pollard be maarenge hoge...the boy replies nahi Sammy he. Old man,"ke farak hai dono ek se hapsi laage hain"
the public breaks into laughter!

Mom please think something out of the box!

Me and my friend Khushboo were sitting in the metro and were congratulating each other in successfully getting a comfortable seat at the Central secretariat station. Actually we boarded the train from the menace station of Rajiv Chowk. It was difficult to get a seat in the overflowing crowd, but we played it smart and carefully positioned ourselves in front of middle aged aunties wearing saaris and carrying jute bags. They are different looking women whom you can relate to the nineties. Mostly government servants, they usually get down at CS or Udyog Bhawan.  As soon as they left, we conquered. That’s when we started talking about this.

It was about the obsession of dabbas (boxes and containers) a middle class mother has. She will remember the color, the size and the basic property of the containers that she allots to the members of the family while putting lunch in it. The danger is that she’ll check it whenever you come back from office. The moment you put your tiffin or dabba on the sink she’ll check it from the corner of her eyes whether her treasure is safe and sound. And once you lose it, she loses her temper too. For instance, a long time back, I misplaced a tumbler and till today the word tumbler is the igniting element of her anger.

Recently we got a microwave for our home. As soon as I came back from office, my mother diverted all her conversation from the microwave to the free dabbas with it. Once I was confused why she likes to order rather than going out to eat. I hope you already guessed her dabba fetish makes her do that. So the order comes in the plastic boxes that can be used for at least a month. Khushboo told another interesting behavior straight from her home. Her mother went to her aunt’s place for keertan. When she returned she had a big smile on her face and that made her wonder really hard. She followed her mom to the kitchen and there she saw her mom taking out four big dabbas full of prashaad! What a delight for her sweet mom who thought the idea of the aunt to serve prashaad in the daba was the best thing she has ever given to her. Wow!

So the train of such moments was right on track and we sounded much better than the lousy announcements.  One jargon literally applies over here that is, “Mom please think something out of the box!” Well every household has a different dabba story. We discussed many more on our way to the last station. The dabbas really served a good laugh to us and pleased the people overhearing us. 

Metro ritual 7

Beware of people who are shorter to you or have a lot of bags in their hands. They might look innocent but they can poke or molest (whatever suits the situation) you with their bags and elbows. 


So remember there is one more thing to mind other than legs and hands in metro and that is you sweet ass.

Issued in public interest.

Probably a bet!

The metro to Huda city centre was once crowded like anything. I left early that day as I was in a missile mood. Actually I m pointing to that day in everyone’s life when they want to start early and put their whole heart to their work. So that day was an exceptional day in my life. I was tired and I had no seat to sit and a place to stand. For a person who has to hear metro’s announcement 72 times a day sitting at least for half way to have some peace in life is important.

This train was doing no good to my schedule. It took five minutes almost at every station and was making me late and laid back at the same time. The enthusiasm was diminishing as I was approaching my destination. I turned on the volume to the max to make me aloof from the chaos. As the train stopped at Sultanpur, I closed my eyes thinking that again it is just another long halt. Suddenly I opened my eyes and saw that there are only few left in the metro. I was surprised. I thought I dozed off, so I checked the station. It was to my surprise Sultanpur. Then I noticed a girl making a weird face and pointing her fingers. I thought she has lost it, but then I realized, “Oh my God there is some announcement being played!” I took out my headphones and heard a squeaky voice of the Metro driver saying, “This train terminates at Sultanpur”

I was shooting with anger as this stupid train made me so late and then this announcement was the cherry on the top. In seconds the metro was empty. But I was still fighting with my lazy head to start moving out. Suddenly the metro guy made another announcement. This announcement made me and others to conspire to murder the great fellow making the announcement. So the announcement was, “Due to a technical fault I made a wrong announcement. Please get in as this metro will go to HUDA City centre.” This definitely raised eyebrows and everybody got in and took their seats. It was a moment when everybody started abusing together. Courtesy goes to the metro driver’s vocal chords which made the technically wrong announcement in the metro. I mean how can he say that? Is he a robot?

But then I announced in the metro like Mr. Sherlock Holmes unraveling the mystery behind the stolen treasure or something like that. What I said was the probability of a bet between Mr. Driver and his friend. A bet to make all the people hop out of metro and board them in somehow. And Voila! The driver was successful. So technically he made a fool of everyone and nobody had anything to say. With great metro come great responsibilities and sometimes great bets too. People did agreed with me, some actually smirked silently as if they were planning to quit their job and join Delhi Metro as a driver. 

Metro ritual 6

A fat fact!
it's difficult to judge a pregnant lady and a fat female in the metro...you never know you stand up to give a seat to a fat blob instead of the one in the need..and feel that you are done with your good deed of the day!

Metro Ritual 5

Weekend the Metro works a bit slow. I thought it was because of the lazy weather but then I recalled that it has been happening for some other reason.

Weekend the metro is boarded maximum by people with luggage. These people travel only when there is an extended holiday or something. With so many luggages to handle, they usually forget where they have kept their token or card. They’ll keep putting their token at the wrong side and will drop their luggage right in between the entry gate which will put them between the automatic block molesting them from both the sides. So help these wanderers or confused souls and guide them and save some time in your Metro travel. You never know you might get a free achaar ka dabba or Gujrati thepla as a helping gift as you hold the heavy cumbersome bag of the old lady or tau.

Metro Ritual 4

Men purposely standing right in the middle of the general coach and the ladies coach are usually considered as desperate.